For most people, a Super Bowl watch party means cheap beer, homemade dips, and yelling at the TV in sweatpants. But for local man Jake Thompson, that wasn’t immersive enough.

“I want my guests to feel like they’re actually there—the thrill, the chaos, the economic hardship,” Jake said, patting down his own friends at the front door.

Upon arrival, guests were charged a $25 cover fee, plus a $3.50 ‘processing fee’ for Venmo payments. Beers were $15 each, chips were gated behind a ‘VIP’ rope, and the bathroom required a 10-minute wait minimum, even when unoccupied.

“The line wrapped around the kitchen,” guest Brian Carter recalled. “When I finally got in, there was a guy handing out paper towels for tips. It was Todd.”

Meanwhile, Jake’s homemade halftime show featured his neighbor’s garage band, who butchered ‘Wonderwall’ so badly, the WiFi cut out.

As of press time, Jake has already started selling ‘season passes’ for next year’s party. His guests, however, have secretly created a new group chat to host literally anywhere else.