Tragedy Strikes: Man’s ‘Go-To Girl’ Starts Enforcing Boundaries
📰 Breaking: A once-reliable emotional support woman has gone rogue, refusing to be available 24/7 for "his emotional check-ins, but not in a serious way."
By Stagtire’s Unpaid Emotional Labor Correspondent
Alt Text: A satirical digital illustration of a distressed man sitting slumped on a park bench, staring at his phone with an exaggerated look of despair. His screen glows ominously, though the content is not visible. In the background, a confident woman walks away down a tree-lined path, appearing completely unbothered. The park setting features autumn leaves, a city skyline in the distance, and birds flying overhead, creating a contrast between the man’s dramatic anguish and the woman’s carefree demeanor. The art style is modern, exaggerated, and humorous, emphasizing the comedic absurdity of the situation.
A Devastating Loss for One Local Man
PORTLAND, OR—A heartbreaking shift in modern relationships has left one man, 32, struggling to cope after his designated emotional support woman made the selfish decision to enforce boundaries.
“She just…stopped responding like she used to,” said Brian Matthews, looking visibly distressed while scrolling through weeks-old text messages. “I sent a ‘You up?’ the other night. Nothing. Not even a ‘lol what’s up.’”
This shocking betrayal comes after months—possibly years—of unwavering emotional availability from his longtime friend (but not in a serious way), Laura Davis, 29.
“I just don’t get it,” Brian continued, shaking his head. “It’s like she was always there for me when I needed to vent about my ex, but now? She suddenly has ‘energy to protect’ and ‘personal time’ and ‘a therapist who is literally paid for this’ or whatever.”
The Warning Signs Were There
Experts (Laura’s actual friends) confirm that the signs of an impending boundary enforcement were present all along:
She started responding with ‘Damn, that sucks’ instead of emotionally unpacking his feelings for him.
She no longer texted first to ‘check in on him’ after he posted vague Instagrams.
She started dating someone who actually values her time.
The most devastating shift? She stopped reassuring him that he’s a ‘good guy’ every time he told her about a girl he ghosted.
“Last time I told her about a situationship that fizzled out, she just said, ‘Yeah, that makes sense,’” Brian recalled. “Like?? What does that MEAN???”
The 5 Stages of Losing a ‘Go-To Girl’
Psychologists (okay, just some girls in a group chat) have identified a clear pattern in men coping with the loss of an emotionally available woman who isn’t actually their girlfriend.
Denial – “She’s probably just busy. Or her phone’s broken. Or maybe she died?”
Bargaining – “I’ll just send a ‘thinking of you’ text to see if she still cares.”
Panic Googling – how to tell if a woman is pulling away / signs she’s losing feelings
Rage Posting – “It’s crazy how some people just stop caring when you need them the most.”
Desperation Text – “Hope you’re doing okay 😊”
Brian’s Last-Ditch Effort: A ‘Hope You’re Doing Okay’ Text
Sources confirm that, in a final attempt to reel Laura back in, Brian sent the classic vague text:
“Hey, hope you’re doing okay! Miss talking to you.”
Experts (Laura) say this message is highly calculated and designed to:
✔ Guilt-trip her into offering free emotional labor
✔ Make her think about him without actually taking accountability for past behavior
✔ Trick her into a full conversation where he can vent again
Laura, however, remains unmoved.
“I mean, yeah, I am okay,” she said, showing zero signs of falling for the trap. “I just don’t feel like being someone’s low-effort therapy substitute anymore.”
A Future Without Free Emotional Labor?
Brian is reportedly struggling to adjust to a world where women don’t have infinite patience for his half-hearted introspection.
“I just feel like women these days don’t want to listen,” he lamented. “Like, sorry I don’t have the money for a therapist. What happened to being there for each other?”
At press time, Brian was seen aggressively liking all of Laura’s Instagram selfies in a last-ditch attempt to see if she still “cares.”
Meanwhile, Laura? She muted his stories.
🔥 Up Next on Stagtire: More Questionable Relationship Insights 🔥
📌 "Man Who Swore He ‘Wasn’t Ready for a Relationship’ Now in a Relationship"
📰 Breaking: Friends confirm that he just wasn’t ready for a relationship with YOU. His new girlfriend has the same job, same interests, and same hair color.
📌 "Woman Politely Rejects Man—Now He’s On a ‘Healing Journey’ (aka Podcasting)"
📰 Breaking: After a woman kindly declined a second date, local man embarks on a three-month self-improvement arc that will end in him blaming feminism for his bad vibes.
📌 "After Four Months of Situationship, Man Shocked to Learn They Were in a Situationship"
📰 Breaking: "Wait, what??" says a man who never made concrete plans, refused to define anything, and exclusively texted 'u up?' past 11 p.m. "I thought we were just vibing!"
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