Man Terrified He’s Become a “Favorite Person” to Women with Borderline Personality Disorder—Local Woman Assures Him, “You’re Really Not That Special.”
📰 Breaking: Local man fears he has become the gravitational center of an emotionally intense orbit after learning what a Favorite Person is. Experts (one woman with BPD) confirm he is, in fact, just a guy.
By Stagtire’s Armchair Mental Health Correspondent, Who Also Has Standards
Alt Text: A humorous digital illustration of a young man with messy hair and a slightly panicked expression, holding his phone while reacting to a flood of glowing notification icons and abstract symbols. Behind him, a shadowy feminine figure with long, flowing red hair watches with arms crossed, appearing unimpressed and enigmatic, resembling an online troll. The background is soft and pastel-toned, featuring subtle social media notification pop-ups. The art style is modern and satirical, with exaggerated expressions and a lighthearted, inviting color palette.
The Horrifying Discovery: “Am I Too Irresistible?”
DENVER—Local man Chadwick “Chad” Templeton, 29, has found himself in the throes of an existential crisis after stumbling upon the term Favorite Person (FP) while doomscrolling Instagram reels at 2 a.m.
“I was just trying to watch videos of people making omelets, and suddenly, this girl is crying in her car about how her FP didn’t text back,” Templeton said, wide-eyed. “Then I looked at the comments, and everyone was like, ‘omg, same,’ and ‘my FP is my whole world 🖤.’ I thought, ‘Oh no. Is this… me?’”
According to Templeton, the horrifying possibility that he might be someone’s emotional sun, moon, and stars had never occurred to him before. “I knew I was like, cool or whatever, but I didn’t know I was ‘crying-in-the-car’ level important,” he admitted. “And frankly, I don’t think I’m ready for that responsibility.”
A Reddit Cry for Help: “How Do I Stop This?”
Templeton immediately took to Reddit to confirm his suspicions, posting in r/relationship_advice under the username SigmaAlpha420:
If a girl texts me good morning and good night every day, compliments my existence, and once told me she’d ‘probably die’ if I ever abandoned her, does that mean I’m her FP? Also, is there a way to stop this from happening?
His post received over 300 responses, most of which suggested that he “simply not be the worst” or “stop leading people on with minimal acts of kindness.” However, one reply, from user SoftBlockQueen, cut straight to the heart of the matter:
Literally no one is choosing you as their Favorite Person, Chad. Calm down.
A Woman With BPD Speaks: “Please Relax, My Guy.”
SoftBlockQueen, later identified as local woman and self-proclaimed “recovering FP addict” Daphne Lane, 33, clarified her stance in an exclusive interview with Stagtire.
“Look, having a Favorite Person isn’t just about some random dude existing in my general vicinity,” Lane explained. “It’s about chemistry, obsessive devotion, and most importantly—an unattainable mix of emotional depth and abandonment issues.”
Lane then gestured toward Templeton, who was still processing this information.
“And no offense, Chad, but you’re like… a 6/10 conversationalist, and you use Snapchat as your primary method of communication,” she said. “I’d rather hyperfixate on a fictional character from a 2009 CW show than make you my entire reason for being.”
Templeton Remains on High Alert
Despite this reassurance, Templeton remains cautious. “I just feel like I need to be vigilant,” he said. “What if some girl with BPD does imprint on me, and suddenly I’m trapped in a whirlwind of passion, tears, and ‘We need to talk’ texts?”
At press time, Templeton was last seen aggressively avoiding eye contact with any woman who made a passing reference to astrology, just in case.
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