Man Who Won’t Say ‘I Love You’ Has No Problem Making Full Eye Contact During Sex
"He claims words are hard, but somehow manages a soul-piercing gaze while whispering, ‘You like that?’”
By Stagtire’s Relationship Research Department, Which Is Just One Overly Observant Woman
Alt Text: A humorous digital illustration of a man making intense, unwavering eye contact during an intimate moment. His expression is soul-piercing yet emotionally unavailable, exuding deep passion despite his well-documented reluctance to say “I love you.” The background is softly blurred, emphasizing the closeness of the moment, while the lighting adds a playful, satirical tone. The overall effect is both romantic and slightly unsettling, capturing the irony of the situation.
Despite being completely incapable of verbalizing affection in any meaningful way, local man Tyler Graves has zero hesitation when it comes to maintaining unwavering, borderline unsettling eye contact during sex.
“I don’t know, man. It’s just different,” he shrugged, adjusting his hoodie that he’s definitely been wearing for three days straight. “Saying ‘I love you’ is like… a whole thing. But locking eyes while I’m in the middle of absolutely wrecking someone? That just feels natural.”
THE ‘WORDS ARE HARD’ DEFENSE
Sources close to Tyler—who exclusively consists of women he’s dated and deeply confused—confirm that while he has never uttered those three little words, he has confidently whispered the following phrases:
“You feel so good.”
“Yeah, you like that?”
“Look at me.” (But will not look at his phone when you text first.)
“Come here.” (Emotionally? No. Physically? Always.)
One former partner, Jenna Lewis, told Stagtire that Tyler’s communication habits were confusing at best and psychologically damaging at worst.
“We had been dating for eight months. Every time I tried to bring up our feelings, he’d suddenly ‘not be good with words,’” Jenna recalled, sipping a very strong margarita. “But somehow, he had no issue delivering a full Shakespearean monologue while inside me. Make that make sense.”
THE EYE CONTACT CRISIS
Despite his alleged difficulty expressing emotions, Tyler’s ability to hold deep, intense, unwavering eye contact mid-thrust suggests that he is, in fact, capable of human connection—just not in a way that benefits anyone outside the bedroom.
“The eye contact is so jarring because it’s like, who is this man?” said another ex, Rebecca C. “I tried to make eye contact with him at brunch once and he physically flinched. But when I’m naked? It’s a goddamn staring contest.”
EXPERT ANALYSIS
According to Dr. Eliza Hartman, a relationship therapist who absolutely does not get paid enough for this, Tyler’s behavior is alarmingly common.
“This is textbook avoidance attachment mixed with ‘I Was Raised By A Chill Dad And An Emotionally Overburdened Mom’ syndrome,” she explained. “He can access vulnerability—he just chooses to do it exclusively while naked and thrusting.”
When asked how men like Tyler can improve, Dr. Hartman sighed deeply before answering.
“Maybe just say ‘I love you’ the same way you say ‘good girl.’ It’s literally not that hard.”
TYLER RESPONDS
When approached for comment, Tyler almost took accountability but then immediately backtracked.
“I mean, maybe I should work on it,” he admitted, scratching his beard. “But also… actions speak louder than words, right?”
Tyler then proceeded to maintain eye contact for an uncomfortable length of time before walking away without saying goodbye.
UP NEXT ON STAGTIRE:
1️⃣ “Woman Who ‘Doesn’t Even Like Him Like That’ Has Prepared a 3-Act Revenge Fantasy Just in Case”
2️⃣ “Experts Confirm: He’s Not ‘Too Busy,’ He’s Just Playing Rocket League”
3️⃣ “Study Finds 98% of Men Think Therapy is Just Talking to a Woman Who Can’t Leave”
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Stagtire: Making Eye Contact, So He Doesn’t Have To.
