Husband Only Says 'I Love You' During Sex, Wife Thinks They Should Just Be Friends

"We need to talk about boundaries," says wife, who has already set boundaries around everything but this one.
By Stagtire’s Relationship Analyst, Who Knows What Love Really Means

Alt Text: A humorous digital illustration of a married couple sitting on a couch, both looking emotionally detached. The woman, dressed in pajamas and holding a bottle of wine, has an exasperated expression, while the man, dressed casually, stares blankly at a TV screen, completely oblivious. The living room setting is cozy but slightly messy, emphasizing their long-term, somewhat dysfunctional partnership. The wine bottle in the woman's hand features both of their names—an anniversary gift meant to be romantic but now serving as a bleak reminder of their mutual emotional unavailability.

For years, local married couple Megan and Tom have navigated their relationship with a deep, mutually exclusive understanding: Tom only says “I love you” during sex. Megan has tolerated this for a while, but after deep reflection (and two glasses of wine), she has come to a conclusion—she hates it.

“I mean, it’s sweet he says it,” Megan admits, standing in front of her closet in full pajama mode, bottle of wine in hand. “But I wish it was in more... everyday moments. Like when I set up the mortgage autopay. Or when I put out the trash. Or when I... literally handle all things practical. You know, things that keep our life moving?"

The Ick Factor: When ‘I Love You’ Kills the Mood

Megan isn’t just upset that Tom never says “I love you” outside of the bedroom. It’s that, when he does say it, it’s gross.

“It’s a turn-off,” Megan states, swirling her wine. “I just know he’s not thinking about me as a person when he says it. It’s transactional. Like, ‘Thank you for your service.’”

Tom, however, is equally baffled by her sudden aversion. “I thought women liked hearing ‘I love you’ during sex,” he says, shrugging. “I mean, it’s romantic. It’s a moment.”

“It’s not a moment,” Megan counters. “It’s an HR violation.”

Setting Boundaries in a Relationship That’s Functionally a Business Partnership

Megan emphasizes that she’s all about boundaries. “I don’t do casual,” she declares, while Tom, in the middle of his self-constructed ‘We’re Just Friends’ Zone, grins.

“Exactly!” Tom responds, clapping his hands. “That’s what I’m saying—we’re friends! We just occasionally help each other with... some other things.”

Megan knows better. “Sure, we can be friends—if by ‘friends,’ you mean someone who forgets to change the toilet paper roll and leaves wet laundry in the washer for three days. I deserve love, support, and the occasional compliment about my organizational skills.”

Divorce? Not Worth the Effort

Despite their glaring emotional dysfunction, Megan and Tom have ruled out divorce. Not because of paperwork, not because of finances—but because neither of them wants to be single.

“Oh, God, dating?” Megan shudders. “Absolutely not.”

Tom nods in agreement. “Too much work. I’d have to learn about someone else’s whole life—what their dog’s name is, how many siblings they have, whether they want me to actually express emotions… It’s exhausting.”

“Yeah, no. I’ll just keep this arrangement until one of us dies,” Megan says, pouring another glass of wine. “At least we get each other.”

What Their Closest Friends Have to Say

Married couple Rachel and Jake, who have known Megan and Tom for over a decade, remain both fascinated and horrified by their relationship.

“Oh, they’re perfect for each other,” Rachel says. “Not in a healthy way. Just in a ‘this is why the universe paired them up’ kind of way.”

Jake agrees. “Tom doesn’t express feelings. Megan resents him for it, but also doesn’t want him to change. It’s like a deadlock. They’d be terrible for anyone else.”

Rachel sighs. “Honestly? If they divorced, they’d just remarry out of convenience. Or spite.”

At press time, Megan and Tom were found sharing the couch while considering whether they’d reach a breaking point or simply settle into a lifelong, slightly frustrating partnership.

Up Next:

📖 How to Love Your Partner When You’re Pretty Sure They Don’t Know How to Fold Towels
📖 The Bedroom Olympics: Why He Thinks It’s ‘Romantic’ to Say ‘I Love You’ Mid-Squat
📖 When Your Relationship Feels Like the Budget Version of a Rom-Com—But You’re Not Sure You Want the Sequel

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