Egg Shortage Reaches Breaking Point as Waffle House Adds 50-Cent Surcharge—Local Man Commits to Laying His Own Eggs (No, Not With Chickens)

"If Big Egg won’t help us, I’ll do it myself."

By Stagtire’s Economic Collapse Correspondent, Who Also Can’t Afford Eggs

Alt Text: A simple, minimal illustrated digital drawing of a classic diner-style building resembling Waffle House, without any logos or branding. The building has a boxy shape, large windows, and a warm, inviting glow from inside, capturing the familiar aesthetic of a late-night diner. The design is clean and straightforward, with no extra details.

For months, Americans have endured skyrocketing egg prices, each grocery store run feeling more like an episode of The Hunger Games. But now, the final shell has been cracked: Waffle House, the sacred institution of greasy, 3 AM decision-making, has announced a 50-cent surcharge on all egg orders.

And one local man has had enough.

“This is egg-extortion,” declared 31-year-old Kyle Watson, slamming his fist on a sticky Waffle House table. “I refuse to be at the mercy of Big Egg any longer. If they won’t lower the prices, I’ll start producing my own. And no, I don’t mean with chickens.”

THE WAFFLE HOUSE INCIDENT

The breaking point came when Kyle, a lifelong supporter of Waffle House economics, noticed the extra charge on his bill.

“I was fine when eggs hit $6 a dozen. I was fine when IHOP started acting like an exclusive brunch boutique. But Waffle House? Waffle House was supposed to be for the people.”

Upon being informed of the surcharge, Kyle’s entire worldview collapsed.

“First they take away affordable healthcare, now they take away affordable eggs? At this point, just send me to the gulag.”

After a heated debate with the Waffle House waitress, during which Kyle was reminded that she does not, in fact, set corporate pricing, he made a bold declaration:

“Fine. I’ll just lay my own eggs.”

This statement was met with concerned silence from other diners, followed by a hesitant nod of support from an old man in overalls.

HOW, EXACTLY, DOES HE PLAN TO LAY EGGS?

Kyle, who has no background in biology, farming, or rational thought, remains adamant that he can find a way.

“The human body is capable of amazing things,” he said, Googling ‘Can men lay eggs?’ on incognito mode.

“People laughed when we talked about lab-grown meat. They doubted when scientists made a rat heart beat outside of its body. Who’s to say we can’t figure out human-grade egg production?”

As of press time, Kyle has taken the following steps toward his goal:
✅ Subscribed to five questionable subreddits about experimental body modification.
✅ Attempted to incubate an egg inside a sock, for ‘science.’
✅ Contacted a black-market scientist from Craigslist who claimed to have ‘bird DNA for personal use.’
✅ Started referring to himself as ‘Egg Daddy.’

THE ECONOMIC IMPLICATIONS OF THIS MADNESS

Experts warn that Kyle’s plan may be deeply flawed.

“The human reproductive system is not designed to produce eggs the way birds do,” said Dr. Linda Matthews, a biologist who cannot believe this is a real interview. “Also, even if he did find a way, I’m not sure anyone would actually want to eat those eggs.”

However, some economists are intrigued.

“If Kyle succeeds, this could single-handedly disrupt the poultry industry,” said Greg Hollis, financial analyst. “If human egg-laying takes off, we’re looking at a potential economic revolution. But also, maybe the end of civilization as we know it.”

KYLE REMAINS UNFAZED

Despite concerns, Kyle remains fully committed to his goal and has started accepting investors.

“I know people are skeptical, but that’s what they said about Bitcoin, and look how that turned out.”

As of press time, Kyle had already secured $200 in seed funding from a group of drunk bar patrons who said they “just wanna see what happens.”

Meanwhile, Waffle House has refused to comment on Kyle’s egg-laying ambitions, stating only: “Please stop calling us.”

UP NEXT ON STAGTIRE:

• Scientists Confirm: Being ‘Quirky’ Doesn’t Pay the Bills

• Desperate Woman Starts Watching New Show Just to Have Something to Talk About in Therapy

• Man Who “Doesn’t Believe in Labels” Just Gave You His Netflix Password

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