For months, Americans have endured skyrocketing egg prices, each grocery store run feeling like a high-stakes scavenger hunt. But now, the final shell has been cracked: Waffle House, the sacred 24/7 temple of questionable decisions, has announced a 50-cent surcharge on all egg orders.

And one local man has had enough.

“This is egg-extortion,” declared 31-year-old Kyle Watson, slamming his fist on a permanently sticky Waffle House table. “I refuse to be at the mercy of Big Egg any longer. If they won’t lower the prices, I’ll start producing my own. And no, I don’t mean with chickens.”

Witnesses report that Kyle made this declaration at 2:43 AM, while two hashbrowns deep into an existential crisis. His plan, however, remains both scientifically unsound and deeply concerning.

“People laughed when they said lab-grown meat was impossible,” Kyle insisted. “But what if we’re thinking too small? What if humans could lay eggs? Who’s gonna stop me? The FDA?”

At press time, Kyle had already subscribed to five Reddit communities dedicated to 'biological innovation' and offered a bartender $200 to ‘figure it out.’ Meanwhile, Waffle House has declined to comment on Kyle’s plan, stating only:

“Please stop calling us.”