In an epic attempt to reclaim her birthday and make it actually about her, Cissy Stag entered her 32nd year with a bold vow: no deflection, no self-deprecating jokes, just pure, unfiltered birthday energy. Unfortunately, it lasted a grand total of 17 minutes. Between dodging her own birthday wish requests, redirecting conversations about herself, and hyper-analyzing every Facebook notification, Cissy’s birthday quickly devolved into the emotional rollercoaster that Pisces season is known for. From the existential dread of “Happy Birthday” being sung at her to the crushing disappointment of receiving birthday texts from every ex except her current crush, Cissy’s celebration was a study in trying—and failing—to just let it be about her for once. By the end of the night, she found solace in drunkenly toasting to her friends and questioning whether she’d ever truly be worthy of the love she so desperately deflects.