Bill from IT has spent five consecutive meetings reminiscing about how simple things used to be, despite not having touched an actual project since 2017.

“Back in my day, we didn’t need all these fancy tools,” Bill declared during a company-wide Zoom call, completely ignoring the fact that his screen was frozen for half of it.

When asked for input on a modern software integration, Bill responded by telling a 12-minute story about the time the entire company ran on spreadsheets and sheer willpower. Meanwhile, his inbox sat at 748 unread emails.

Despite the overwhelming evidence that Bill has done no actual work in at least six years, leadership continues to praise him for his ‘deep institutional knowledge,’ while his younger coworkers, drowning in tasks, quietly wonder how he’s still on payroll.