5 Pickup Lines Guaranteed to Get You Pregnant This Valentine’s Day
By Stagtire’s Love and Risk Correspondent, Who Is Starved for Affection
Valentine’s Day is all about romance, passion, and making questionable decisions you may or may not regret in nine months. If you’re looking to skip straight to the risk of conception, we’ve got you covered. These five filthy pickup lines will either leave your date breathless—or running for Plan B.
Alt text: A stylized illustration of a sexy woman in an all-black silhouette with long, flowing hair. She poses seductively with one arm raised, accentuating her curves. The background is soft pink with playful heart shapes floating around, creating a romantic and flirty Valentine's Day aesthetic. The design has an elegant and artistic feel, with smooth, flowing lines.
1. “Are you my IUD? Because I’d love to feel you shift every time you go too deep.”
🔥 Why? Medical filth. Horrifyingly accurate. If they laugh, you win. If they cringe, you still win.
Pro Tip: If they immediately cross their legs, they either love it or are questioning their life choices. Either way, you’ve made an impact.
2. “Are you a gas station taquito? Because I know you’ll destroy me, but I still want you inside me.”
🔥 Why? This is pure self-destruction filth. If they get it, they get it. And if they don’t? They’re probably not ready for what’s about to happen.
Bonus Points: If they respond with, “I’m more of a roller dog,” you’re legally obligated to marry them.
3. “Are you my lip gloss? Because I’d love to have you all over my mouth by the end of the night.”
🔥 Why? Sexy, dirty, and smooth AF. High success rate. 10/10 would recommend. Also, deeply relatable.
Alternate Use: If they have sticky lip gloss on already, just whisper this into their ear and watch their soul leave their body.
4. “Are you the ‘Terms and Conditions’ page? Because I’d agree to anything if it means I get to hit ‘Submit.’”
🔥 Why? Filthy, clever, and legally questionable. Leaves zero room for misinterpretation. Pure contractual chaos.
Fun Twist: Say this at a wedding and see which guests suddenly need a drink.
5. “Are you a sacrificial altar? Because I want to be spread out on top of you while something unholy happens.”
🔥 Why? Gothic, dominant, filthy, and deeply religious in all the wrong ways. Pure blasphemous filth. If they’re into this, you’ve already won.
Warning: May summon a demon or an ex. Proceed with caution.
Final Thoughts: Use With Caution
These pickup lines are not FDA-approved, but they are highly effective. If you’re looking to inspire lust, confusion, and possibly an appointment at the nearest pharmacy, this is your moment.
But hey, if it works too well, at least you’ll have a great ‘how we met’ story for your future child.
Use responsibly. Or don’t. We’re not your parents. 😏🔥
