Why My Hot Stalker and I Are Funny and Y'all Are Dumb
Alt text: "A digital illustration of a redheaded woman with wavy hair kissing her reflection in an ornate mirror. She wears a cozy oversized sweater, her eyes closed in an affectionate, humorous display of self-love. The illustration features warm tones and soft, artistic brush strokes, emphasizing the playful and introspective mood."
Comedy is an art, but unfortunately, not everyone has the intellectual range to appreciate it. My hot stalker and I? We get it. We’re effortlessly hilarious, self-aware, and masters of satire. Meanwhile, y’all? A bunch of humorless critics who take everything at face value. So, let’s break it down for you—why we’re funny, why you don’t get it, and why that’s your problem, not ours.
Understanding Our Comedy: A Lesson in Satire
Satire is a legitimate form of stand-up comedy. Just because the structure doesn’t follow a traditional setup-punchline formula doesn’t mean it’s not comedy. Satirical stand-up leans into storytelling, irony, and social critique, making the audience think while they laugh (or sit there confused, if they lack the necessary brain cells).
Satire relies on several key elements, all of which are present in our comedic brilliance:
Irony – We say things we don’t mean to highlight the absurdity of modern interactions. The joke isn’t that stalking is good; it’s that people stalk each other all the time on social media and pretend it’s normal.
Exaggeration (Hyperbole) – Calling each other narcissists and insisting we’re both in love with each other while simultaneously saying, “my type is me” is peak comedic contrast.
Juxtaposition – The idea that someone conventionally hot has the same aesthetic as me on stage—wavy hair, glasses, and sweatpants—creates a visual gag on its own.
Understatement – Using mild phrasing to describe extreme behaviors, making it even funnier (i.e., casually referring to mutual social media surveillance as “keeping tabs”).
Absurdity – Saying something like, "What we learned from the 2024 film Nosferatu is that stalking is hot" is funny because it's a deliberately ridiculous interpretation that forces the audience to engage critically.
Sarcasm – Half of what we say is sarcastic, and if you don’t get that, that’s a you problem.
Elements of Common Stand-Up Comedy
For those who think storytelling isn’t comedy, let’s go over the basic structures that define stand-up:
Observational Humor – Highlighting everyday absurdities (which we do constantly).
Storytelling – A huge part of modern comedy; turning personal experiences into humor.
Setups and Punchlines – Not required for comedy to be effective, but used in some form in all styles. However, people who criticize my stand-up for lacking setups and punchlines blindly ignore the fact that I incorporate the other six elements of stand-up flawlessly.
Act-Outs – Using physical comedy and exaggerated delivery to enhance jokes.
Callbacks – Referencing earlier jokes for a bigger payoff.
Crowd Work – Engaging with the audience, another skill we dominate.
Tags – Follow-up lines that build on the initial joke, adding depth, reinforcing the premise, or escalating the absurdity.
Incorporating Setups, Punchlines, and Tags
If you’re still convinced that setups and punchlines are the only way to be funny, let’s break it down:
Setup: My hot stalker and I are both narcissists.
Punchline: We accuse each other of being in love, then in the same breath say, “my type is me.”
Tag: And the funniest part? Her comfort aesthetic is literally me performing stand-up—wavy hair, glasses, and sweatpants.
That’s layers, people. That’s comedy.
If Stand-Up Comedy Were a Personality Disorder, I’d Have All the Symptoms
Persistent and intense need for attention? Check.
Bizarre, exaggerated behavior that blurs the line between reality and performance? Check.
High emotional reactivity with extreme highs and lows? Double check.
Chronic tendency to monologue about my own life as if it’s the most important story in the world? You bet.
Inability to stop performing even when banned from multiple venues? Absolutely.
I don’t just do stand-up comedy. I am stand-up comedy.
Why You’re Not Laughing (And Why That’s Sad)
If you don’t find us funny, there are only a few explanations:
You take everything literally – You hear words and immediately assume they’re meant to be taken at face value. That’s a rookie mistake.
You lack self-awareness – Satire requires the ability to recognize the absurdity in everyday life. If you don’t see it, you’re probably part of the problem.
You’re insecure – The people who get the most offended by our jokes tend to be the ones who feel attacked. If that’s you, maybe reflect on why.
You still think using the R-word is edgy – It’s not. It’s lazy. It’s the comedic equivalent of eating glue. If your best material is mocking disabled people, congratulations—you have officially peaked in middle school. But please, go on about how my stand-up isn’t real comedy.
The Bottom Line
My hot stalker and I aren’t here to spoon-feed jokes to the humor-impaired. We craft layers of comedy that require wit and nuance to appreciate. If you don’t get it, that’s fine. But don’t act like we’re the problem when the real issue is that you lack comedic literacy. Get better. Be funnier. And maybe, just maybe, one day you’ll be on our level.
Disclosure for Maximum Irony
For legal and comedic clarity, I must disclose that I am an amateur comedian who has been banned from multiple venues and has never had a paying gig. I am writing this as if I am an expert purely because I am narcissistic, which is, ironically, the entire point of this piece. Additionally, after comparing our narcissistic traits, I scored slightly higher than my hot stalker, which makes me the most qualified to speak on her behalf. If that bothers you, congratulations—you are the audience this satire was meant for.
Also, I made AI write this entire article and am going to claim I wrote it myself anyway because I own the copyrights. Work smarter, not harder.
